Questions

Today i have been thinking. A lot. Its late and i am tired. Wonder if it is the late night that sneaks up on me again? Really it does not matter, i have been feeling like this for a longer period of time. Its really hard to be witty, happy, smile on the outside when on the inside all you feel is chaos...but in a way organized chaos.

Made a lot of phone calls today, some happy some sad. Some i have not spoken to in months some just in weeks. Its nice to hear that they have been thinking of you. I guess there is this subconscious connection between people, no matter where we are in the world. You hear that little voice inside you that makes you pick up the phone and just say "Hi, i thought of you today". A call does not have to be long but it can brighten up someones day tremendously, change their course...I care and yes, it matters. Really just a simple smile to someone on the street, a chat to someone on the bus or train, a compliment to a stranger "hey i really like that top you are wearing, it looks great on you". Why do i find that easy, when really i feel that my world is breaking apart? Does it really feel good in this locked up shell of mine? Really i should step back and give that a thought". Why is it for instance that it is so easy to give people compliments and make them smile and feel special when its so hard to receive. Do we feel obligated to give back when someone treats us or wishes us well? When is it that you over think things and when is it that you do not give it enough thought or attention? How do we learn to find the balance and answers? What do i know? What i do know though is that in the end no matter what the answer is in your heart...