Got my book today, its time to knuckle down and start to study. Feel so unmotivated. Don't really know where to find the energy to read. My to-do list is growing and i am not ticking of as fast as i should be.

Picked up the car today. Cross fingers that they have fixed the problem. It turned out that it was just an air pocket in the cooler system. Just an air pocket? That makes me wonder how many crap mechanics are out there. I have been having this problem for a longer period of time and i just had given up on it ever being fixed. I got told by the mechanics that it could be the thermostat, the fan, the top gasket and so on, but that all that seemed to be fine so they did not know anymore. One mechanic wanted to pour in welding fluid in the cooler system in case there was a crack somewhere and air was leaking in. I myself not knowing much about cars was would still think that you look for the simplest things first before you strip the whole car down but i was preparing for the worse so i am very pleased that so far the car works ok and it seems like the problem is fixed. If it would have been the top gasket the pleasure of fixing it would cost €2000 and to be honest i rather spend that on a trip somewhere then to change a piece of rubber...

Questions

Today i have been thinking. A lot. Its late and i am tired. Wonder if it is the late night that sneaks up on me again? Really it does not matter, i have been feeling like this for a longer period of time. Its really hard to be witty, happy, smile on the outside when on the inside all you feel is chaos...but in a way organized chaos.

Made a lot of phone calls today, some happy some sad. Some i have not spoken to in months some just in weeks. Its nice to hear that they have been thinking of you. I guess there is this subconscious connection between people, no matter where we are in the world. You hear that little voice inside you that makes you pick up the phone and just say "Hi, i thought of you today". A call does not have to be long but it can brighten up someones day tremendously, change their course...I care and yes, it matters. Really just a simple smile to someone on the street, a chat to someone on the bus or train, a compliment to a stranger "hey i really like that top you are wearing, it looks great on you". Why do i find that easy, when really i feel that my world is breaking apart? Does it really feel good in this locked up shell of mine? Really i should step back and give that a thought". Why is it for instance that it is so easy to give people compliments and make them smile and feel special when its so hard to receive. Do we feel obligated to give back when someone treats us or wishes us well? When is it that you over think things and when is it that you do not give it enough thought or attention? How do we learn to find the balance and answers? What do i know? What i do know though is that in the end no matter what the answer is in your heart...

Garage

Today i put my car to the garage. It has given me some grief for a while now when it comes to a couple of things. Firstly i have to change the suspension and then change the tires, but that is put a side as the more immediate thing i have to deal with is high pressure in the cooler system. It is a bit of a worry as even the previous mechanics that looked at the car had problems finding whats causing the high pressure. Oh well i hope they will find it and fix it, i hate for it to be an unsolvable problem and then after a couple of miles it goes *cabooom* and then it costs a fortune to fix what ever got broken. So cross fingers!